Pennsylvania's Safe School Act says that a school district shall expel for no less than one year a student in possession of a weapon.
"Weapon" shall include, but not be limited to, any knife, cutting instrument, cutting tool, nunchaku, firearm, rifle and any other tool, instrument or implement capable of inflicting serious bodily injury.
The full story is here, but a nutshell, during a random, suspicionless search of a ninth-grader Taylor Ray Jetter's purse, some busybody school employee discovered an eyebrow shaver inside her makeup bag. School officials expelled Miss Jetter, she appealed the suspension to the Penn Hills School Board, and on Tuesday she lost again, 8-1.
Now, I hadn't the slightest idea what an eyebrow shaver is, although it's clear that Miss Jetter was neither brandishing the shaver nor threatening others with it. So I asks: O innertoobz, show unto me this this thing called an eyebrow shaver, for I am...Breshnevish.
The innertoobz explained that an eyebrow shaver is a razor mounted on a plastic handle. The business end of the razor blade itself is encased within a plastic comb. Like most modern bladed grooming gizmos, one can safely drag it over one' skin without risk of injury.
Let me say that last part again: without risk of injury.
Now, let's compare and contrast that with the Safe School Act's definition of a weapon, which is an instrument that can inflict serious bodily injury. This grooming device is not a weapon by their own definition.
Know what is a weapon by their definition? A goddam pencil.
Know what Miss Jetter's major concern is? That this blemish on her record will interfere with her ability to get into nursing school.
I don't know which one had the sense to vote properly, and which eight are the nimrods, but should you be inclined, here's the contact information for the members of the Penn Hill School Board:
Mr. Joseph E. Bailey, Sr., President — 412-793-7000, ext. 929 firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr. Barry D. Patterson, Vice President — 412-793-7000, ext. 516 email@example.com
Ms Carolyn L. Faggioli — 412-793-7000, ext. 532 firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr. Robert S. Hudak — 412-793-7000, ext. 511 email@example.com
Mrs. Margie L. Krogh — 412-793-7000, ext. 515 firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr. Donald L. Kuhn, Jr. — 412-793-7000, ext. 510 email@example.com
Mrs. Catherine M. Mowry — 412-793-7000, ext. 517 firstname.lastname@example.org
Mrs. Erin L. Vecchio — 412-793-7000, ext. 514 email@example.com
Mr. John A. Zacchia — 412-793-7000, ext. 518 firstname.lastname@example.org