07 June 2009

KCTV WEATHER ADVISORY: Wind speeds approaching 20 mph somewhere far away!

I joined my friends tonight to watch the Tony Awards. I could give a shit about Broadway shows or the orgy of self-congratulation, but was an opportunity to enjoy drinks and dinner with teh gheys (who can really cook), and the prospect of an orgy of snark. Oh hells yes. 
However, there was weather somewhere in the state, and Chief Meteorologist Katie "Madame Apocalypse" Horner sprang into action. Nevermind 'tis a lovely summer evening in the Kansas City Metro — severe weather is happening waaaaay up north near Iowa and is tracking in a direction taking it farther and farther away from Kansas City! Thank god Horner is available to leap in front of the camera to cover this utterly irrelevant event with an economy of words that rivals a Fidel Castro speech.
I'm not even kidding about the title. She was actually cautioning about 20 mph winds. Oh the humanity, winds the speed of grandma
There is a very real possibility that unsecured cushions on patio furniture in areas near the Iowa border are in jeopardy of being blown onto nearby grass. If that's not a reason to hijack the a once-a-year live broadcast, I don't know what is.
FERCHRISSAKES — SCRAMBLE THE WEATHER CHOPPER!
Then I did a little online research, and it turns out that KCTV5 is not the only TV station in the state. Someone should tell them, because that probably absolves them of the responsibility to cover all the weather in the state. It turns out there are even local network affiliates waaaay up there in St. Joseph where that storm was. "Ah-ha!" you might say, "but they are not CBS affiliates — so what about that audience?" Well, I'd imagine they were vainly trying to watch the goddam Tonys too.
There is actually a website dedicated to firing Katie Horner, because she's pissed off that many people with her attention whoring. But here's the thing, she has never before inserted herself between teh gheys and their Broadway musical shows, which may be the second most dangerous place in the world. Horner's gonna end up all over the grille of an otherwise impeccable Audi tomorrow. Mark my words. Maybe a Prius.

1 chimed in:

Rebecca said...

Wow, not the Tony's! Why its Heidi vs. football all over again!
20 mph winds, why that's what is known as a breeze!