28 March 2010

Screenwriter disavows trash classic. Sorta.

Aware of my abiding love for grand cinematic abortions, the Baldwin Rose emailed me a link to a story about Hollywood screenwriter J.D. Shapiro, who adapted Battlefield Earth, originally written by the paranoid schizophrenic science-fiction author and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.*
Apparently Connie Conehead did a guy from GWAR
High on Pulp Fiction, John Travolta grunted out Battlefield Earth in 2000, and even though I'm positive that we flushed, it just keeps coming back. Actually, it's in the news once again having been hailed as The Worst Movie of the Decade by the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation — a/k/a The Razzies. In doing so, it becomes the legitimate becodpieced heir of another of my beloved trash classics, Showgirls.
ZOMGZ! Nomi, do you know where that pole has been?
Here's what J.D. Shapiro admitted in the New York Post about his Battlefield Earth screenwriting experience:
My script was very, VERY different than what ended up on the screen. My screenplay was darker, grittier and had a very compelling story with rich characters. What my screenplay didn't have was slow motion at every turn, Dutch tilts, campy dialogue, aliens in KISS boots, and everyone wearing Bob Marley wigs...
"Dutch tilts"? That's what that AV Club camera angle called? Okay, good to know. But seriously dude, no matter how badly you want to erase this stink, try not to act like you wrote the science-fiction version of Bridge over the River Kwai. In other words, you made a shit sandwich, so don't congratulate yourself overmuch that you're not the person who thought it was a good idea to add a slice of Velveeta.
Anyway, this entire episode gives me hope that someday Bob Guccione's Caligua will also achieve the recognition it truly deserves.
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* Once again proving the truth of the caution that one should never trust a man who parts his name on the left.

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