21 February 2010

Ooga-booga.

The Russian ice dancing couple thought this would be an excellent way to satisfy the competition's theme "country/folk."
The performance itself included his pulling her around by her ponytail to a musical accompaniment of furious drumming and grunts.
People complained, but it's considerably more culturally sensitive than their original costume choice:

19 February 2010

Further adventures in invasion of privacy.

Blake J. Robbins v Lower Merion [Pennsylvania] School District et al is a case where Mr. Robbins, a high-school student, was disciplined for "improper behavior in his home."
As evidence of said improper behavior, Vice Principal Lindy Matsko (who perhaps takes her title a bit to literally) supplied a webcam photo snapped by the district-issued laptop computer.
Okay, wow.
It's bad enough that the administration spies on students while they're at school by giving themselves access to a student's email and whatnot, but they feel free to spy on kids while they're at home?
Taken together with my previous post, it seems that everything is turning into a goddam roving bug anymore.
If you've got work- or school-issued communication device with a camera, I recommend the strategic application of electrical tape at a minimum.
img59.imageshack.us
If you're doing anything that you don't want the company IT busybodies to know the intimate details of, perhaps you should consider leaving your communication devices in another room.
There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live — did live, from habit that became instinct — in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized. — George Orwell, 1984

17 February 2010

Okay, wow.

I am old, and do not tweet.
You young people — with your hats on sideways, pants on the ground — you're gonna get jacked.
It's a website that tracks the locations of people who leave their twitter account tracking on. You type in the name of the person you want to rob and it tells you whether they're home.
Convenient.
"Our intention is not, and never has been, to have people burglarized."
Oh. Well, okay then.

13 February 2010

What would Brian Boitano bring?

TV Party last night at Bea's to watch the opening of the Winter Olympics and have a chosen-family birthday party for Beloved. I made pot roast and Ollie brought dessert. Ollie shows up in a stars & stripes headband, so we started a chant of USA-USA-USA!
Ollie presents his dessert: Baked Vancouver from a recipe by Brian Boitano.
Winner.

11 February 2010

How badass is this?

One Dana Marshall wrote and photographed this:
During the major February 5, 2010, snowstorm, the Marshall family of Fredericksburg, Virginia, family joined hands on a whim to create a Terra Cotta snowman.

Happy Birthday, Beloved.

You're the coolest chick I know.

Heels wound all the time.

Yikes. The Telegraph reports that a couple had an argument in a taxi that ended with her stabbing him in the face with her shoe.
The shoe is believed to have pierced his eye, passed through his eye socket and touched his brain.
Yow.
Reminds me of the legendary Mimi Plastique video that Bea faithfully re-enacted in my car last week.
"Then I'm gonna beat the shit outta you with my goddam shoe. You think I'm playing?"
No, ma'am. I do not.

Submitted without comment.

What Do You Think Tea Party Movement Is About?

By You Decide

- FOXNews.com

How to define the Tea Party movement was nearly as big an issue last week at the National Tea Party Convention as the political issues discussed, from government fiscal responsibility to greater accountability of public officials. Some participants drew cheers for raising more controversial topics, such as President Obama's nationality, but others argued that those points were, at best, politically unproductive. Meghan McCain went further on Monday and called segments of the movement "racist."

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/02/09/think-tea-party-movement/

10 February 2010

And now for a word from our sponsors.

Neither of these ads will ever be broadcast. Such a shame.
This ad was produced for the UK, but was scuttled:
This ad is a response to one shown during the Superbowl:

It's sartastic!

Senator Claire McCaskill channels her inner Maddow and delivers an ever-so-polite smackdown on the hypocritical Republicans in control of the Missouri General Assembly's budgeting process.
In essence McCaskill writes, "So I hear you don't like the federal stimulus funds that you've nonetheless been quite busy spending on Missouri's essential services and infrastructure? Fine. What would you like to cut? Please start with your own legislative committees and the legislature as a whole. Let me know. Love, Claire"

I like my state senator. Yours sucks.

I bitch and moan about politicians a lot, but I must say that I really love my state Senator Jolie Justus.
She's got moxie.
Last week she was the lone sensible voice in the Senate against piling yet more restrictions on adult businesses. Even the proponent of the legislation — a petulant Republican Christian crusader from Lee's Summit, Senator Matt Bartle — conceded it will kill jobs.
The legislation will kill jobs. During a recession. While unemployment is already stratospheric.
But the idea that naked ladies might be touching Missourians after midnight torments Senator Bartle to such a boiling point that he's forced to abandon his legislative principles of individual freedom and less intrusive government.
The legislation would ban strip clubs and adult video stores within 1,000 feet of homes, schools, churches, libraries, parks and day cares. It also would ban nudity, require semi-nude employees to stay 6 feet from customers and force adult businesses to close by midnight.
In dissent, Justus noted that Missouri adult entertainment businesses employ 3,000 people and pay $4.5 million in taxes.
This week Justus offered a resolution to express the opinion of the Missouri General Assembly that the US Congress should repeal the deceptively labeled "Don't Ask Don't Tell" law.
Justus isn't afraid to make it personal. As she writes on her blog, freshmeat:
Finally, I want to tell you about Shonda Garrison. Shonda grew up in Branson, Missouri and enrolled in the U.S. Army right out of high school. She worked hard and advanced quickly. In the fall of 1990 she, like tens of thousands of other Americans, shipped out to Saudi Arabia and spent almost a year in the desert fighting for this country. Shonda loves her country and wanted to make a career in the military, but after 8 years of service, she had to make the agonizing decision to leave because she could no longer serve in silence. Shonda is gay and under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, she could not enter a committed relationship with the person she loves for fear of losing her career. Shonda Garrison is my partner and she supports the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
Nice.

Reality killed the video star.

File:Mtvstationid.gif
Abandoning all remaining pretenses, MTV has removed "music television" from its logo.
Does that make anybody else feel really old?

09 February 2010

Unsmear the queer.

It seems that "Don't Ask Don't Tell" posterboy Lieutenant Daniel Choi has been quietly undischarged.
Here's a picture Choi sent, along with his regrets, to a NGLTF conference where he was scheduled to speak:
Look closely. Can you spot all the ways this soldier is undermining good order, discipline, and unit cohesion?

Supplies!

So the AP Style for attention whore is "activist"? Noted. That explains this report:
Asian-American activists offended that MARTA [public transit] re-named the train line into the heart of Atlanta's Asian community the "yellow line" will take their objections to the transit agency's chief on Friday.
MARTA's lines are called red, green, blue and ______ . The activists (really, a handful of exquisitely tender souls who've decided to appoint themselves the voice of their community) want the line renamed "gold" because they believe that using the term "yellow" in conjunction with Asians is insensitive and racist. If they prevail, MARTA will have to re-print all its materials, since the line is pretty much good-to-go.
John Park, esq. explains his outrage:
Historically, it has had a derogatory intent. It physically paints a very unattractive picture. I don’t consider myself "yellow."
Ah, okay, thanks.
No, wait. If you don't think of yourself as yellow, then why the hell are you upset the line is called "yellow"?
Nobody better tell Mr. Park about China's Yellow River.
It is unclear from the article whether the "red line" elicited similar outrage among activists within Atlanta's communist community.

08 February 2010

You kids get offa my blog!

The AP reports that kids today — what, with their hat on sideways, pants on the ground — have decided that blogging is for old farts.
A new study has found that young people are losing interest in long-form blogging...The study, released Wednesday by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, found that 14 percent of Internet youths, ages 12 to 17, now say they blog, compared with just over a quarter who did so in 2006...Pew found a similar drop in blogging among 18- to 29-year-olds.
Overall, Pew estimates that roughly one in 10 online adults maintain a blog...But according to the data, that population is aging. The Pew study found, for instance, that the percentage of Internet users age 30 and older who maintain a blog increased from 7 percent in 2007 to 11 percent in 2009...
A[ccording] to Sarah Rondeau, a freshman at the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, Mass. "It's a matter of typing quickly. People these days don't find reading that fun."
Thanks for the analysis Ms Rondeau. College sounds right up your alley. You give me hope.
Now please excuse me. I have a cloud to go yell at.

05 February 2010

Life imitates Life of Brian.

Saudi Arabia is reportedly refusing to accredit Pakistani diplomat Akbar Zeb because his name, in Arabic, means "Biggest Dick."
Saudi Arabia, you're going to find yourself in gwadiator school vewwy qwickly with wotten behavior wike that.
He has a wife, you know...

It's a local call, folks.

Ike Skelton (D-oddering old fool), chair of the House Armed Services Committee, is holding up the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
I just called his office and told the guy who answered the phone my position in no uncertain terms, and added that if Skelton didn't change his position, I'd do whatever I could to see he was replaced.
C'mon! Join the fun.
Blue Springs Office 816-228-4242
Jefferson City Office 573-635-3499
Lebanon Office 417-532-7964
Sedalia Office 660-826-2675
Office hours: 8:30 am to 5:30 pm

04 February 2010

Watching the crazy parade.

One of the more bizarre moments in my life came on the day that I received a letter from "Reverend" Jerry Fallwell's Liberty University School of Law, virtually guaranteeing my admission if I just returned their paperwork.
Heh. If only they knew.
Anyway, I love to check in on the Lynchburg Crazy Parade from time to time. This one tickled me:
Lynchburg, VA – Liberty University School of Law will host a one-day conference followed by a one-day symposium addressing homosexuality and its consequences. The Friday, February 12, conference is entitled “Understanding Same-sex Attractions and Their Consequences.” On Saturday, February 13, the Liberty University Law Review will host a legal symposium entitled “Homosexual Rights and First Amendment Freedoms: Can They Truly Coexist?” ... Speakers include Alan Chambers [president of Exodus International]; Julie Harren-Hamilton, President of [the National Organization for Research and Treatment of Homosexuality]; Tim Clinton, President of the American Association of Christian Counselors; Rena Lindevaldsen, Associate Professor of Law at Liberty University School of Law, and Mathew Staver, Dean of Liberty University School of Law.
Wow. Two panelists from pray-the-gay-away orgs, a panelist from a Christian lawyers org, and two panelists from Liberty U. What an amazing variety of perspectives!
Gee, I wonder if they'll decide gay rights and the First Amendment can truly coexist? I'm on the edge of my seat.

Gays "too precious to risk" says general.


'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General

Well that explains it.

You probably noticed that neither Clarence Thomas nor Antonin Scalia chose to attend the State of the Union, thus avoiding getting taken to the woodshed over their dispicable holding in Citizens United.
Justice Thomas explains his absence thus:
"I didn't go because it has become so partisan."
I do sometimes wonder what would happen if Uncle Thomas' neural network ever became self-aware.

Ain't that the truth.

The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Missouri, William Ray Price, informed the Missouri General Assembly yesterday that the drug war policies they've enacted have been a debilitatingly expensive magnificent failure.
"The problem is that we are following a broken strategy of cramming inmates into prisons and not providing the type of drug treatment and job training that is necessary to break their cycle of crime...Any normal business would have abandoned this failed practice years ago, and it is costing us our shirts."
When a red-state chief justice appointed by John fucking Ashcroft is recycling NORML's talking points, the drug warriors really ought to realize they've lost, man...and just let it go.
Now, as a person who doesn't smoke anything or use drugs any harder than ibuprofin, I want say to the Missouri General Assembly: decriminalize now (and pass the savings on to us).
Of course they won't.
Legislatures are honeypots for busybodies.

03 February 2010

The "unit cohesion" lie.

Unfriendly Fire by Nathaniel Frank includes an interview with the man who wrote the loathsome Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy — Professor Charles Moskos.
Moskos got the gig by being old friends with former Senator Sam Nunn (D-ouche). They shared the same dipshit opinions that the armed services is a man's world, with no place for broads or fags.
Professor Moskos' background work on the integration of gays in the military was hardly academically scrupulous. His "evidence" was frequently derived from polling data involving impressions, or simply his regurgitation of the opinions of conservative military officers.
The centerpiece of Moskos' policy was the principle that "unit cohesion" would be enhanced by forcing gay soldiers to be closeted liars. Straight soldiers, he successfully argued, find gay colleagues so inherently distasteful and untrustworthy that the former are unable to function properly in the latter's presence.
If you think about it, that's a pretty damning assessment of heterosexuals.
They ate it up anyway.
The most astonishing thing Franks extracts from Moskos is his concession that the “unit cohesion” argument was bullshit. Moskos tells Franks, “Fuck unit cohesion; I don’t care about that.”
Instead, Moskos invoked what he believed was the “moral right” of straight soldiers not to be required serve alongside gays, and — god forbid — share bathroom facilities.
Frank also reports that Moskos told legislators the main reason to ban gays was to repress the military's inherent homoerotic culture.
Creepy, creepy, creepy. Moskos was just all kinds of creepy.
He's dead now. So at least he finally did something useful.

The parade of stupid continues.

Q: What is your position, senator?
Orin Hatch (R-etarded): I think people are very concerned. I believe there are very outstanding patriotic gay people who serve in the military and they ought to be given credit for it, and they shouldn't have to lie about being gay. On the other hand, I think a lot of people are concerned that if you do away with the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," that literally then they'll come back and ask for special rights and preferences and privileges that others don't have. I don't see that either.
So, like I say, I just plain do not believe in any prejudice of any kind.
Q: So you're willing to vote for the change?
Hatch: I don't know about that.

Colin blows.

Here you see Colin Powell moments after he licked his finger and lifted it into the political wind — his standard operating procedure to determining how he will apply his unique brand of "leadership."
Yes, even Powell has joined the pile-on. He now opposes "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" — the very policy he vigorously endorsed as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under Clinton.
“In the almost 17 years since the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ legislation was passed, attitudes and circumstances have changed.”
Really? Well, at least yours did. Welcome to the late 20th Century. Now please do try to catch up. While you spent the last 17 years getting your head and your ass wired together, the bigotry you imposed resulted in the eradication of nearly two full divisions from the military — something no recent enemy has been able to accomplish.
Those losses didn't just injure the separated soldiers. Those people have families, and you stole their benefits.
Asshole.

Filed under P for "poetic."

Representative John Murtha (D-generate) is currently hospitalized in critical condition for literally having an excess of gall.
For decades he has bravely refused help for his figurative excess.

Who wants to break it to him?

Senator Saxby Chambliss (R-etrograde): "In my opinion, the presence in the armed forces of persons who demonstrate a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts would very likely create an unacceptable risk to those high standards. It will lead to alcohol use, adultery, fraternization, and body art."

02 February 2010

Playing to my audience.

I believe the entirety of the crustybastard audience is writers, editors, or people who probably should be.
With that in mind, here is your new indispensable reference: http://twitter.com/fakeapstylebook.
Avoid using foreign-language phrases in your articles unless they have a certain je ne sais quoi.
hell - Lowercase, but capitalize Hades. Lowercase philadelphia.
Passive voice is used when the receiver of an action is more important than the performer. Ex: Your mom was banged.
In all cases, "presidential" should be lowercase. The bloom is kind of off the rose on that one.
When attributing a quote to Paris Hilton, the preferred term is "blame."
Avoid impacting colons by choosing words that are rich in fiber.
For 1-5 pizza boxes, use the suffix -heap. For 6-10, use -henge. 10+ pizza boxes is a pizziggurat.
infinitive- A verb form that goes on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and e

It must be said.

The only thing funnier than the second season of RuPaul's Drag Race is this article about the second season of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Here's a taste:
Nicole Paige Brooks
Nicole was the first one into the dressing room, so you kinda feel like you know her the most. And I don't like her. She's got those suspiciously thin and sharp features that just scream I Love You, Beth Cooper, only change the B to an M and take away the Cooper.
Richard Lawson, you are my New Favorite Writer.